How an Iowa Mom is Helping Local Schools Follow Amanda the Panda's Lead in Addressing Childhood Grief and Loss

A northwest Iowa mom is on a mission to help schools help grieving kids after her own daughter’s experiences following the loss of her father.  In 2024, just weeks before the start of the school year, Amanda Allen’s ex-husband was killed in a motorcycle accident.  Her daughter began her junior year of high school still lost in grief.

“I didn't know what to expect; as a grieving family, I had no idea what to expect from the school,” Amanda says.  As she learned, the school wasn’t fully prepared either.  She says the school wasn’t proactive in reaching out to her, nor were they able to fully accommodate the family’s request for a private space for virtual therapy sessions during the school day.  

“They didn't give her a space to go to in the school. So, I pulled her out of school for a lot of mental health days,” Amanda remembers.  Those absences added up and as her daughter started her senior year the next fall, she was told she hadn’t met the attendance threshold to qualify for open campus privileges.

Amanda was awestruck.  Her daughter was being punished for seeking mental health care, she remembered thinking.  Like any determined mother would do, Amanda fired off an email to school leaders decrying the situation.  The response astonished her.

“It was a Friday night at 5:30,” Amanda remembers, when her cell phone started ringing.  It was the superintendent.  “I was shocked.  It's after hours. It's Friday.  But he felt so bad that that was our experience," Amanda remembers about the phone call.  She says there were apologies, but more importantly there was an earnest desire to make sure no other grieving children would feel unheard.  

Amanda was inspired.  "After that conversation, I just dove headfirst into research, I Googled everything I possibly could," she says.  She quickly learned that November was National Children's Grief Awareness Month.  

“I went heavy on that,” she says, “I contacted all of the elementary schools in our area and lined up to go in to read to all of the classrooms and have discussions with these kids about grief that they've encountered. I went to the middle school and talked to the kids. We had a grief shirt made that people could order. I had an article in the paper. I got the high school to do a project ... where they did a butterfly bulletin board and could pin up butterflies with the names of their loved ones on it.”

The projects were a huge success and Amanda wanted to build off it.  She started attending school board meetings and pitched the idea of creating a bereavement plan for the district.  She said the school leaders to whom she spoke were all sympathetic. But, like her, they didn't know how it could best be added to their curriculum.  That's when inspiration struck Amanda.

Through each step of her work to prepare for school meetings, Amanda says she kept hearing from people who'd experienced what her daughter had, too.  The t-shirt maker who lost a brother as a child, the local journalist who lost her dad at a young age, a local politician whose childhood best friend was killed while riding her bike.  

“That is when the light bulb went off that I needed to do a video,” Amanda says, “because how else can you have all of those people together at the same time to tell their stories?”

Amanda collaborated with Eric Gerdes, a recent Iowa State graduate who had recently been hired as the Digital Editor for the local newspaper, the Record-Democrat.  Together, they sat down with friends and community members to share the stories of their childhood grief.  Interviewees walked through their memories of their losses, the emotions that felt at the time and how their grief journeys continue to shape their lives.

In the end, Amanda and Eric crafted a 53-minute documentary on childhood grief and its lasting impact on an individual’s life.  

With the video complete, Amanda was invited by her local superintendent to join the school staff for a special presentation of the documentary and a discussion about addressing grief with students.  Amanda agreed instantly, then jumped back into research mode.

Amanda’s online searches led her to another Amanda – EveryStep's Amanda the Panda.  Allen connected with Taylor Clemens, Program Coordinator with Amanda the Panda, to learn more about how she could replicate some of the work Amanda the Panda does in schools.

“Taylor was a great connection and got us all squared away with a collaboration with New York Life and their Grief Sensitive School Initiatives,” Amanda says.  The program, specifically tailored to helping schools appreciate and address grief and bereavement with students, was exactly what Amanda had been looking for to bridge the gap with school leaders.

As she finalized her presentation, other school districts started reaching out and asking to attend as did representatives from nearby hospitals and mental health practitioners.  When she stood up to address the audience on the day of the presentation, she found she was facing a packed house.  “I was really, really impressed with the amount of support and the amount of people that were wanting to come in and be part of that afternoon,” she says.

Despite all that she’s accomplished so far, Amanda still says her work is just beginning.   She’d like to see schools taking more proactive measures to identify kids in need of grief and bereavement counseling – including adding a checkbox about the topic on school registration forms.

“We’re opening up communication and trying to get little things changed. I have a lot of hope that things can get better in the school system as far as grief goes,” she says, “in those moments, it shouldn't just be up to the family.”