‘Filling the Shoes’ Gives Dads a Chance to Ask Tough Questions

As simple as it sounds, asking for help can be one of the most difficult things a prideful man can be asked to do.  This winter, a group of central Iowa fathers made the tough admission that they didn’t have all the answers when it comes to being a parent.

“Filling the Shoes” was a six-week program held in January and early February.  For six consecutive Thursdays a group of dozen men met for pizza, fellowship, and a chance to learn or sharpen fatherhood skills.

For one dad in the crowd, it was a chance to prove it’s never too late to decide to make a change for the better.  Scott has three kids – ages 11, 2, and 1.  As his family grew, he realized he needed to grow as well, so he signed up.

“I have been trying to improve (my communication skills.)  How I hear what I say versus how it is communicated,” he says, “I'm learning to understand different ways to communicate, trying to help make sure that we are more of a positive influence on children's lives.”

The group meetings were held at East 17th Street Church in Des Moines and led Pastor Dr. Benjamin Bell who also leads EveryStep’s Dads with a Purpose program.  Dr. Bell leads the group through a discussion of what it means to be a man, a provider, a protector, and a father.  The men are walked through exercises to allow them to step back and look at themselves in these roles and prove to them that they can’t do any of it on their own.

Scott says he found that lesson refreshing.  ““This week, one of the big things is that you focus on making sure you take care of yourself as well as the others in your life and the relationship with your kids,” he says, “Trying to make sure that you speak up and speak your mind rather than just letting things flow and letting everything just roll over you. Trying to just be open, honest ... which isn't the easiest thing to do.”

Scott says the group setting made it so much easier for everyone in the group to be honest with themselves and one another.

“Sometimes you think: ‘am I crazy ?’ and you gotta bounce that off a group,” Scott says, “Sometimes the answer is ‘Yeah, you're crazy.’ But everyone's a little crazy. It's just how willing you are to admit it and being willing to change.”