Nicole DeBoef is familiar with EveryStep’s Amanda the Panda Grief & Loss Program. As a counselor at North Mahaska Elementary School, she’s relied on their rural school programs before.
“I have had the privilege of working with (Grief & Loss School Program Manager) Rachel Dolan from EveryStep Grief & Loss for the past four years. She has facilitated multiple six-week grief groups for our students,” Nicole says.
But last fall she found herself reaching out to Rachel after tragedy struck in her personal life.
“This past September I personally encountered a depth of grief I had never known before when my 18-year-old niece died unexpectedly in a car accident,” Nicole says. Sydney Andersen, a freshman at William Penn University, died on September 13th, 2025, after the car she was a passenger in was involved in a crash.
“Her loss rippled through multiple communities - New Sharon, Oskaloosa, and Grinnell - touching students, recent graduates, families, and friends,” Nicole remembers, “Within our district, many were grieving in ways that did not follow the expected timeline of loss. She was young, just beginning her independence, only three weeks into college. It was not a moment when life should have stopped.”
For Nicole, it was a new frontier of grief. “I've experienced loss before, but this was definitely unlike anything I have personally experienced,” she says, “As a professional school counselor, you're used to needing to have the strength to support others in that moment. But I also knew there would be moments where I just couldn't be that person because of the close personal ties to the situation.”
Nicole’s thoughts immediately went to the children in the family – Sydney's 14 siblings and cousins in the school district. That is where EveryStep and Amanda the Panda were able to step in and fill the void.
“I reached out to (Rachel) right away. We started conversations right after it happened. I knew we needed to put things in place,” she says, “She was very quick to respond and gracious to help support getting things going forward.”
Services for Sydney – a 2025 North Mahaska graduate – were held at the high school. Nicole remembers people standing in line for hours to make their way inside to pay their respects. "Having that be the end couldn't be the end because (her family) couldn't just sit with that ... we have all these questions, and we have all these emotions, and what are we going to do with this because you can't bring her back?”
When Sydney’s young family returned to school again after the memorials, a plan was in place to help them adjust, grieve and heal together. The kids would come together on Wednesdays for the group sessions. The cousins began the process together as a large group before breaking into smaller, age-specific groups. Nicole says the results were amazing to watch – including her own children who were part of the group.
“At their 1st meeting, (Rachel) was good about creating a space of confidentiality and respect - a place of no judgment so that they could safely process,” Nicole says, “No one person processes the grief the same way as another” and the small groups were tailored to recognize that.
While the group setting was important for all, Nicole says from experience that the boys in the family really needed that environment.
“They don't always want to talk about their feelings. They’ll say they're fine, but we knew they needed to talk because they (were hurting),” she says, “(Rachel) was able to ... help them through that process."
Nicole says the group sessions not only helped the children with their individual grieving but drew them together closer as a family. Kids and their parents were equipped with tips from Rachel about starting and continuing the conversation after the group meetings.
She says everyone – including parents – was emotional at their last meeting. But they have kept it going on their own, checking in on each other throughout the week.
“The ongoing support past the group meetings has been really beautiful thing,” she says, “They got together this morning for a breakfast. They're gonna have a cousin get together tonight. It's just been really helpful, because I know there are still going to be hard moments.”
Nicole says the entire family shares their thanks to EveryStep and Amanda the Panda:
“I’m so happy my kids got to know our kids/grandkids a little better. It’s been so special and such a healing time. I don’t know where we would all be without this. It’s been so incredibly amazing getting to experience this together.”
Lindsey Wilson, Aunt/Mom
“This has been wonderful for the kiddos, but just as healing for us! I looked forward to Wednesdays! The tears, laughter and talks have been absolutely amazing!”
Joette Stout, Grandmother
“It has been so helpful, healing and loving! I can’t even think about how and where we all would be without this. I love that the kids have een together and have been able to express their feelings the best they can. We all love and miss Syd so much!”
Amy Andersen, Mom
